Rabbit
A little Intro
- Sometimes I don't work a lot because I'm too busy riding my bike. This can really put me in a pickle (HA!) . However, not all food requires dollar bills. Free meals = money for cycling. Thankfully I have never truly been hungry nor experienced difficulty feeding myself.
Foraging Techniques
- Vegetables are an expensive yet necessary commodity. Grow them (A tiring and long term project. I mean, can you imagine gardening after a bike ride? Absolutely not.) or check out the local grocery store dumpsters. Good sources tell me that one can find more than enough behind any local grocery store. Check out Fregans and other groups. Just give those carrots (There still in the bag anyway) a good cleanup and it'll be fine.
- Natural Grocers has a $2.00 bag program. Ask the produce guy and he'll help you out. Usually lots of good organic produce for super cheap. You have to eat the whole bag in one day but whatever, that has not proven to be an issue.
***I don't forage for food in dumpsters****
***Well not all the time***
***Maybe once***
***It's illegal so don't get caught***
Best to Look at Raccoon Vids For a How To
Borrow Food Items/Taste
- Sometimes it's okay to borrow food.
- Example: Me "Hey can I borrow some bread"
Unsuspecting bread victim "Alright"
Me "Duck yeah!"
- Or, if somebody is cooking up a sweet meal you can just taste it. Try this line, "Hey let me get some of that". Assertive yet respectful. And while a sample is not calorically substantial those nibbles really add up! Just think, a fifty calorie taste here or there and in four weeks you've eaten an entire meal!
Great Example of Me Borrowing Some Nourishment
Condiments
- Don't pay for ketchup. Ever.
- Just say no.
- Seriously.
If Somebody Offers Food..
- The answer is "yes". Society says to be polite. Be a cyclist and take that shit. Don't feel bad. They are the foolish ones for offering a cyclist food. Seriously, if you just wanted to be nice you shouldn't have offered.
- However, there will be pressure to share in the future. You have one week to repay the favor. A great solution is to take someone on a hard mountainous ride, wait until they are on the verge of bonking, and then offer them that half eaten cliff bar that's been inside a ziplock for two weeks. After they eat the cliff bar they might even say, "damn, thanks, I owe you". Sucker.
Respect
CU Boulder
- All you have to do is show up to a E-Center, CUCycling, or CU Triathlon meeting (Really any club works) and you will leave with AT LEAST a singular piece of pizza. When I was a student it was painfully obvious who was there just for food. However, nobody cared. Just make sure everybody else gets a slice first. Check out colorado.edu/events for more info.
*Also a great time to meet people and put on disguises* #Mustaches
Google Images Has Everything I Need. Everything.
Bulk Samples
- This is obvious so don't be obvious. Sample a snack (Australian red licorice is a good choice) and chew it up really well. A contemplative and serious face is crucial. Then walk around the store for a while and grab some stuff.
- Return to the bulk foods and then sample some more food. Put on the contemplative face and make it look like you give a shit.
- Once again go around and grab some food. Even some bulk food!
- Three is a stretch but just say "fuck it" and really go for it. I recommend some jelly beans as a last hoorah.
- Snack on the jelly beans in line for the cashier.
*After working at a grocery store I can tell you that only the managers give any shits. That means it's okay as long as a manager isn't watching. *
IMPORTANT *At a grocery store the bigger of a pain in the ass you are the more special treatment you will receive*
Farmers Market
Eating With Older People
- Be nice to older people. Not because it's the good thing to do but rather because you will run into them someday on Pearl Street. Maybe, just maybe, they'll say, "Hey, want to grab lunch?" and you respond (see previous point). Before you know it you have a free meal. Job well done.
Old People LOVE Milk.
The "I've never tried that before"
- Caution. Only to be used in dire circumstances.
Example: Me, "Oh wow! Is that a banana?! I've never had one of those."
Some guy "You've never had a banana?! Here, have one of mine.
Me while scarfing banana "Wow that's good! Thanks"
- This usually works. Just use it in moderation as eventually "some guy" will catch on to your tactics.
Trading in commodities/food strengths.
Example: One time I came into 300 mini bags of goldfish (not joking). You can trade that for all sorts of food/favors. Who will say no to 50 bags of goldfish?
- Currently I can trade coffee (It's my main export) for food. Find your strength and then exploit other food groups.
Quick Update
Share Food
- Lastly, it's necessary to share food in order to receive food. Giving somebody sustenance, especially in a moment of need, will be payed back double or triple in the future. Just be nice and food will come your way. I swear by it.
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