We Got Home. I Did Other Activities.

Brett and I got back to Boulder Thursday afternoon. Exactly one month after leaving Portland. It was pouring rain. I could not have been happier. 

(Read Dumbasses)

The Trip In Numbers 

Miles - 2542

Elevations Gain - 70,889ft. (A real pain in the ass)

Days - 30 

Caffeine - Constantly

Longest Day - 167 Miles 

Shortest Day - 26 Miles 

Rest Days - 1

Flats - 10+(Brett) 1(Me)

Chamois Creme - Not a lot. 

Rain all day - 3 Days

The best day - 30 days

The worst day - 30 days

Thanks Bill

I Am Thankful That 

1) We are in perfect (sort of) health.

2) We were not threatened nor struck by a vehicle.

3) Somehow Brett and I are still friends. 

Brett and I at the CU Buffalo. 

It was pouring. (did I say that yet?)

It took a while to find someone that could/would take our picture. 

Then we bro hugged got the hell out of there. 

But first we said, "good job. For real." (Pretty emotional stuff) 

Then I got home. 

My roommates made me dinner. Eternally grateful for that. 

I sat down at my table and drank beer. 

I've never been more content. 

A Couple More Things I Am Thankful For

1) Friends. 

2) My bed. 

3) A really great shower. I can shower there whenever I want. 

4) The entire internet. All the time. 

5) Food that stays where it is. 

6) Familiar roads. 

7) Knowing where I am going to sleep at night. 

What I have Learned About Colorado

1) Eastern Colorado is Nebraska

2) How to get to Boulder = Go west - See Mountains - Find bike path - Follow it to town.

3) I really only know about a small part of the state. 

Some Photos 

In my modest opinion this is the best photo ever taken. 

Brett and I dropping down the Eastern Plains to get to Fort Morgan, CO. 

The last three days of the trip in miles 167, 98, 98. 

We needed to be home. 

After stopping three times we finally got into Boulder. 

This intersection, Valmont and 75th, was the first road I could identify in a very very long time. 

I want to avoid the word "surreal" but shit, it was surreal. 

We didn't need to check a map. We knew where we were. 

(That's my finger in the bottom of the photo)

Bike paths going to Boulder. As you can see it really started to rain. 

(That's my finger again)

And then we got to Boulder. 

Usually we sprint for the town line. 

I think we were a little too fatigued for that behavior. 

Boulder Creek Path. That's when we knew it was real. 

The next day life went on as normal. 

Which seemed completely messed up. 

I didn't ride bikes, wash clothing in a shower, or wear bike clothes. 

Reintegration into society so far has been difficult. 

After not owning keys for the trip I locked myself out of the house. 

(Keys are bad by the way. More keys more problems.)

I went to the grocery store and bought some perishables (pictured above).

I had no choice but to eat all the ice cream in one sitting. 

It's a hard life. 

I enjoyed celebrating with my first beer ever on Friday night.

On Saturday I decided to go on a camping trip above Eldora Ski Resort.  

The Rockies are excellent. 

Then we woke up and there was snow. 

Bummer. 

But the hike out was amazing. 

Proof of the hike out being amazing. 

Then we came across a jackass stuck on a hiking trail. 

He/she was a jackass. 

Lessons Learned So Far

1) I need some time to think about it. 

2) Normal is whatever you make it normal. 

3) If you observe rather than participate in society you can learn a lot. 

4) Cars are wayyyyy too fast. All you have to do is sit there. 

5) If you walk into a grocery store with bike clothing on people will give you looks of surprise/hide their kids. It's best to stare back with the same expression. 

The next couple of weeks I plan on remaining stagnant and/or supine. 

I'll be posting soon about something. 

Probably breakfast. 

Thanks for following along. 

This blog has kept me (somewhat) sane. 

Real Quick Photo Essay Update

We made it to Colorado! We spent the night in Wray, CO and couldn't be happier.  There's mountain time, Colorado cows (much better than Nebraska cows), buildings, and pick up trucks. Actually Eastern Colorado feels a lot like Nebraska. Luckily we'll be in the front range in two days. 

Things That Are In The Front Range Of Colorado

1) My bed

2) A refrigerator where I can store food stuffs for up to a week

3) A place where I can earn money

4) Good coffee

5) Good bike shops

6) My bed

The Last Few Days

Out of Lincoln we followed the Mopac Multi-Use Trail. The cinder path went more or less straight west. There weren't any cars. Just some trees and the occasional road crossing. 

Pedestrian bridge over the Platte River. Were back into wide open sky territory. 

The Mopac trail and Nebraska had a lot of cylindrical objects near towns.  

This is a bike trail out of Lincoln Nebraska. Perfect for zoning out and letting the miles go by. 

This is Brett after the 115 mile ride from Lincoln, NE to Hastings, NE. 

We had headwinds, bad roads, and a lack of quality caffeine. However, we had to make it to Hastings in order to stay with Lisa Smith, our warmshowers host. 

As soon as we got there Lisa handed us a cold blue moon. The beer never stood a chance. 

*When it's necessary to sit down to take off your shoes you know it's been a long day.*

The next day we traveled only 55 miles into Holdredge, Nebraska. We pedaled our hearts out. The headwind was just too bad. We spent the remaining afternoon in town feeling bad for ourselves. 

Then we ate real Mexican. That's 

2 Burritos

Rice

Beans

1 Taco

1 Fried Pepper

Guacamole

It Was Beautiful

Sulking about the wind/day on a porch. 

Those are my feet again. 

Then we rode 167 miles the next day. We are in Colorado but absolutely knackered. 

Pictured above is the only turn we made. 

How yesterday went..

1) Pedal for an hour

2) See a town 6 miles away

3) Get to town

4) Grain elevator on left. Casey's general store on right. 

5) Go to Casey's

6) Find yourself in some sort of loop and question reality

7) Get to Colorado and yell with pure happiness

8) Raid Grocery Store

9) Collapse in bed while watching Say Yes To The Dress. 

In the morning it felt like my body had aged sixty years. Everything ached. 

And then we got to Wray! The state signs here are very welcoming. 

Signs That We're Close To Home

1) We're in Colorado

2) We are climbing 

3) There's recycling

4) People here are from Colorado

Only Two Days Until Home. 

And then hiking season....

Iowa - Hotel Breakfast - Nebraska Bound

Council Bluffs 

Sitting in a Best Western breakfast room right now. The plan is to eat until I am full, write a blogpost, eat again, and then go for a bike ride. 

Getting breakfast this morning has been a lesson in passive aggressive behavior. Luckily I'm hungry enough not give any shits about anyone's waffle.

And give me full use of both the waffle machines. 

Some Pictures With Explanations. 

After we left Des Moines we rode these bike paths for most of the day. 

It was rainy and windy. However, these tree canopies did a good job protecting us from the elements. It was also a good chance to get out of traffic and just focus on pedaling. 

It's not quite fall in Iowa/Nebraska area. Which made me realize that Brett and I might ride through an entire season. 

We've been riding just in front of fall the whole trip. 

By the time we get to Colorado fall will be over. 

Sad times. 

Those leaves are still green. Bullshit.

What it looks like inside the tree canopies. 

Pretty neat. 

In Atlantic we stayed with a great couple, Dan and Penny. 

They fed us, gave us beds to sleep in, and in the morning, helped us get to a bike shop. 

That was more than nice of them. 

I broke four spokes in between Des Moines and Atlantic. One broke about one third of the way there and then they kept on breaking. 

The mechanic pictured here, Frank, is 92 years old. For real. 

He's about the size of two bicycle wheels. 

He has owned the shop for over forty years. 

As we were about to leave he said, "wait!" and proceeded to put in his hearing aid. He then exclaimed, "I couldn't hear shit all morning!" (he was still yelling though). So there you have it, swearing (and having a lifelong passion) will keep you alive longer. 

AND he fixed all four spokes for $0. What a guy. 

As soon as we left the bike shop the elements were upon us. It was 45 degrees (see Brett's down jacket) for most of the day with a stiff headwind. Additionally, we were on these dirt roads with relentless rollers. If you look closely you can see the following roller in the picture. These were steep, pain in the ass climbs. 

How the day went. 

1) Coast down roller into headwind at 15mph.

2) Go up the climb in the smallest gear available.

3) The house on top of the climb will inevitably have a dog. 

4) Get chased by dog. 

5) Yell "no" and "bad" in some sort of caveman like yell.

6) Get ready to hit dog with frame pump. 

7) Dog stops chasing after their yard ends. 

8) Go down next roller into headwind at 15 mph. 

*I like dogs but they can be territorial assholes.*

Then Brett got a flat. 

Somehow he held his cool and successfully patched his tire in freezing/windy conditions. 

I would have hit/broken something. 

The day sounds horrendous but it never got intolerable. Over the last few weeks I have realized that I'm riding a bike. As in thats what I do. The externalities, weather, amount of sleep, and diet, have come to matter less and less. My legs just go up and down. Eventually, I get there. I also make up songs containing the word muffin. Which helps with the suffering. 

What People Say When We Say We're Biking To Colorado 

1) "Good Luck!"(sneer, cackle) 

2) "I can't even get out of bed!"

3) "My oh my! What an adventure!"

4) "Hey John! Look at these queers!"

5) "I know this great road in (California) (Iowa) (Alaska) you should ride."

6) "Okay"

7) "Oh, you have to take I-70, I80, Rt. 6, 34, and then you'll be in Colorado!"

Nebraska!

Second to last state on the trip and I can't wait to get it over with. Luckily we'll be in Lincoln tonight.  We'll be able to cheer on the University of Nebraska Hoosiers against the Michigan State Rockets!  If there's one thing I know it's football. Can't wait! 

Iowa

Greetings

I'm very excited to announce that the trip has reached a new low! 

Setting - Geode State Park Bathroom

Time - 7:00a.m.

 - Brett and I had just endured a hellish night whereupon mosquitos, gnats, flies, and spiders attacked out tent. It was a hot night. This meant we were left with the choice of overheating in our sleeping bags or being eaten alive by invertebrates. I personally chose a bit of both. After fitfully sleeping through bites, buzzes, and overheating we awoke to swarms of mosquitos in our tent. Fun times were had. 

Buzz. 

 - Then we put on all of our clothes and tried to cook breakfast. 

The bugs couldn't eat us yet we were boiling alive. Again. 

 - We ended up eating breakfast (coffee in a water bottle and oatmeal) in the bathroom, the only place without bugs. There wasn't a lot of conversation at the breakfast table. I.E. the bathroom floor. 

Life was looking bleak. Like this turtle. 

Then we rode our bikes 121 miles over 7.5 miserable hours. 

It was mostly on these gravel roads that were a real pain in the ass. 

Not dirt roads but gravel roads. Much worse. 

It was hot. 

People tried to talk to us. However, we had no idea what was going on due to exhaustion/dehydration. 

Finding water was a problem.

Brett pictured next to a random house borrowing hose water. 

Then we finally got to the motel. I had a thick layer of dirt all over my body/bike. 

I was this happy to get there. 

And then we ordered pizza and ate it in bed. The classiest way to eat pizza. 

I had an entire large dominoes veggie pizza and some hot wings. Those are my feet. They were not eaten. 

The stages of suffering that day. 

- Suffering - 

 - Humorous Suffering - 

- Suffering Beyond Humor -

 - Not Caring About Anything -

- Laughing At The Absurdity Of Mailboxes And Other Objects - 

Then Things Got Better. 

The next day we biked 40 miles to Des Moines. Sparkles, pictured above, lives there with Brett's aunt and uncle,  Marcy and Monty. 

The Next Day

We took a rest day, the first of the trip. 

I slept 11 hours. 

Ate food. 

Played with Sparkles. 

It has been a glorious 36 hours thanks to Marcy and Monty. Thanks forever.

How I know I'm Hungry Part II

1) If you put something edible in front of me I will eat it. Indefinitely. 

2) Brett and I don't speak when we are eating. This can be awkward if we are eating with others.

3) Sometimes I see food and think, "I need to digest that". 

4) I finish food, immediately forget I finished it, and then think "I was eating something delicious....". Then I spend the next 15 minutes looking for what I already finished. 

5) Five hours into a ride Brett put butter on a cheese danish. At first I thought it was disgusting. Then I bought a cheese danish and put butter on it. 

Assorted Photos 

Riding the infamous Snake Alley in Burlington Iowa

Stacey and Nick had a kitten in the house. Those are me feet again. 

Rest day visit to Iowa State Capital. 

Sunset before the a downhill section. The best. 

Max. A big ass, personable standard poodle. He's lanky as hell and is always in the way. Kind of like me. 

Brett and I going over the bridge into Iowa. 

Thanks for reading.

Only 700 or so miles until Colorado....